Honesty

So how's progress. 5 weeks on now? Since the accident.

Honesty

Time for some honesty. I've mentioned this before, I have a habit of insisting everything's fine when it isn't. Recently when anyone's asked how I'm doing I've smiled broadly and insisted that "I'm fine now" and "everything's healing really quickly, yes I've got some healing left to do but otherwise I'm OK." (smile) (thumbs up)

This isn't really true, but it's a lot harder to be honest, and to admit I'm not really 'fine' at all.

It's frustrating, still no running or riding yet, but managed a few sessions on the turbo trainer, and a few speed walks.
Speed walking

It's frustrating still no answers, updates or information from the police and still haven't been able to view my own (or any other) video from the incident.


I managed to get back to work (needed to be around people and busy) with hindsight I think I went back too soon. After a packed week I really struggled and paid the price, suffering the following weekend/week.

So how am I doing otherwise? Let's have a "Top 10":

1. Head aches

Intermittent headaches behind my eyes, years ago I used to get migraines so whilst these ones can be quite sharp, they're short and compared to a migraine these are not even close (in the past I had been known to beg to be smothered with a pillow, in jest, just about!) but they do seem to be related to:

    2. Unsteadiness


    I've been unsteady on my feet, again like the headaches this has been occasional and can happen at any moment although usually towards the end of the day and if I'm out and about. Annoying. I fell over a few times initially, but this seems to be improving and I only lose my balance and stagger occasionally. But as someone who was really pretty fit, and like to be active and runs *a lot* this is maddening.

    3. Ringing bells

    The Bells

    Low level background ringing in the ears. Comes and goes. Ding dong, (the witch is dead?) .

    4. Vision thing


    My sight got worse, I've been long sighted for a long time but briefly it got a lot worse, it seems to have improved and stabilized now so it's almost back where it was.

    5. Achy breaky parts.


    Neck aches. A lot. Thankfully I have the soft collar I wear most of the time and this helps. But if I don't sleep in it the following day I'll have a terrible headache and sore neck. On the other hand sleeping in a collar is next to impossible (see 7).

    Back aches, oddly this set in a few weeks after the accident.  Hand is getting better, I'm no longer shrieking if I forget and use it to lift myself out of a chair.

    6. Too-th-urty

    I had a huge amount of work done on my teeth (how much!£?), they're straight(ish) now and don't wobble. Initially eating was painful and awkward, thankfully now the pain is very little and eating is pretty good, although the alignment isn't quite right yet so chewing is annoying. More work required.

    Unfortunately there are also fragments of tooth still embedded in my upper lip. One piece worked its way out of its own accord but there are several still in there. Hoping these will also just slowly appear, but might I need to get them removed professionally.

    7. Tired.


    Well, sleepless. I can't sleep. I keep waking up. Some nights spectacularly worse than others. I have had bouts of insomnia in the past, but this has been really bad.

    8. Emotional.

    I've been unaccountably emotional, more than normal that is. I can hold it together pretty much all of the time, but every now and again. well. can't.

    I'll start thinking. Especially since I was completely unconscious with no memory or awareness of the event. What if I *hadn't* woken up? and given we still don't have a clear answer, then well that's that, no logic or reason, just gone. No more me.

    9. Thanks for the memory


    This is one scaring me. My memory has been playing silly sods. Hard to explain, but if I start a complex process I won't be able to recall the reason for starting it. i.e. it's as if the fact that I'm doing something complex, the piece of trivia 'why' gets dropped off the queue. I'll get there in the end.

    OK I am getting on a bit, and hopefully this is just temporary with my brain putting itself back together after taking a battering but unnerving.

    10. er. see 9? ;)

    OK. Well "Top 9"

    Future

    I want to look forwards to what I'm doing next, but I'm not sure what that will be.

    I did have the next in a series of ultra-marathons (Autumn 100) booked for mid October, I *really* want to be able to do this one having missed the last (I've paid for them all after all!), but I'm starting to realise this is probably really wishful thinking and I may have to accept it's not going to happen.

    I also, after wallowing in self pity for a moment, snap back to it, pull myself together and remember that I am very very lucky. This could have been a lot worse. My problems are pretty minor, just annoying and worrying, but in the grand scheme of things this isn't "up there".

    It may be time to start thinking of 2019 plans/goals instead.



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