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Narcissus

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Bloggin
I've seen some negative discussions about "running blogging" recently which made me ponder what i write and why I write it.

Criticism was along the lines of "you have to be a narcissist to blog" "it's just people showing off and making other people feel bad" "it's just self promotion/product placement" etc.

Narcissus abhorred and despised those who loved him - if anything at worst this could just be seen as seeking validation and approval from peers - which are standard human desires(* this is a dated and simplistic model, but you get the idea).

To be absolutely 100% honest. Sometimes it has felt self indulgent writing about what I've been up to, but then I write for a variety of reasons.
This is how my wife finds out what I'm thinking. πŸ˜€It has been therapeutic and really helped to actually write down how I've been coping.I like to think that what I write (even the bleaker stuff) is or was entertaining and intere…

Munch Pi run

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Some running blogging! For a change. Well a little bit.


Last Sunday was the Mince Pi run - up to 10 laps of 3.14 miles, with piles of mince pies for everyone. We took part last year in torrential conditions so looking forward to a return visit given the forecast is for a lovely clear, and not too cold, day.

This year again a full contingent of team Hewitt were out for this one. Not only that but Oliver would be allowed to run *two* laps this year rather than just one last year. No idea at all of Hugo's plan, he'd had a bad run the week before and suffered with a cold, any attempt to ask his plan just received a shrug, but I'm getting used to that sort of communication system now. Cara wasn't happy, still trying to shake off the tail end of Hugo's plague, and wasn't confident.

Cara: So what's your plan?
I: Er, no idea. Will see how it goes.
(I: internal dialog) well obviously, it says 10 laps. I'm going to do 10 laps. okay?
I: I'll do a few laps and …

liar liar, post-concussion update.

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I'm a liar. But not in a bad way. πŸ˜‰
Honest

Anyway, this isn't a case of lying to someone else, it's lying to myself.

I mentioned before about getting in the habit of being honest with other people so I've been making an effort and although I do still have a tendency to say "of course I'm fine, everything's fine", I am now occasionally opening up a bit more and telling people how I really am even though it's really not second nature for me.

Obviously I don't want to just moan constantly, and I don't want lots of attention or fuss, but I'm making a concerted effort to be a bit more open and keep people informed when things aren't quite right.

But I need to stop lying to myself. I realise that's what I've been doing, mind over matter, don't accept what's happening and it won't.

Sometimes lying to yourself can be useful. It allows you to achieve things you wouldn't otherwise manage. It's got me to the end o…

closing time

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three months onThree Four months on from my accident.
I've been trying to write this for twothree four weeks - I started right after the Centurion Autumn 100. ish.
I got as far as a random disconnected set of jottings, but I couldn't work out a way to thread it into a clear, er, thingy. See.

I'm typing this as my dinner cooks. I've just got back from work and I've got a slight headache and I feel a bit out of it. I really just want to go to sleep. But kittens!


So.

In my minds eye before the A100 I'd got an idea of what I was going to write down for my next blog post.
The week of the race we'd got hold of dash-cam footage from the day of the accident (details later). I'd managed a few runs to gauge my fitness and whether I was going to be able to run, I was annoyed (really annoyed) and frustrated that the years Grand Slam dream was scuppered. But. I knew the Reading course backwards, I was feeling good, and I felt reassured that I was never going to b…

Honesty

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So how's progress. 5 weeks on now? Since the accident.

Honesty Time for some honesty. I've mentioned this before, I have a habit of insisting everything's fine when it isn't. Recently when anyone's asked how I'm doing I've smiled broadly and insisted that "I'm fine now" and "everything's healing really quickly, yes I've got some healing left to do but otherwise I'm OK." (smile) (thumbs up)
This isn't really true, but it's a lot harder to be honest, and to admit I'm not really 'fine' at all.
It's frustrating, still no running or riding yet, but managed a few sessions on the turbo trainer, and a few speed walks.

It's frustrating still no answers, updates or information from the police and still haven't been able to view my own (or any other) video from the incident.


I managed to get back to work (needed to be around people and busy) with hindsight I think I went back too soon. After a packed …

My accident

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Update Note, see the follow up post which has some answers to questions in this post: Closing Time, it's also worth reading through the "one year update" first to see the latest info and status.
Original post... It's been three weeks since my accident (that's what people keep calling it. A bit like spilling a cup of tea perhaps? I think there needs to be a more descriptive term.)


Caution
scary
and
unpleasant
photos
below.


Don't continue if this is going to be a problem.
You have been warned.






I've had ideas running through my mind a few times about what I've wanted to say, but I've swung wildly from one rant to another.
I'd hoped that after a few weeks I'd know what had happened and be able to write a nice clear summary. But version 3, was (apparently) *still* a bit too ranty  so I've tried to be more measured.

I'm mending. Now after several weeks, I've calmed down and think I can write something more reasonable. Albeit unfortunately s…